• Date Coach Jolene

Why that person you don't have chemistry with is ACTUALLY THE LOVE OF YOUR LIFE


More often than not we make a decision about a second date within the first hour of meeting someone.

This makes sense. Theoretically. You may say, "Hey, I just spent an hour with this person and conversation isn’t flowing. It was sometimes okay and sometimes stilted". We all love it when we talk to someone and the time flies. You easily move from interesting point to interesting point.

But remember this: On a first date with someone, if conversation flows easily right away it may ONLY mean you more than likely have the same communication style as the person you are sitting across from. It doesn’t necessarily mean this person is a match long term for you. It feels easy and natural and YES you should go for a second date......but sometimes we mistake that easiness for chemistry or even worse - the assumption that this is the RIGHT person for us.

On the flip side…. You make be sitting across from your soul mate, your perfect match, the secret to your happiness in partnership…..but it may take three dates for your communication style differences to blend into an easy and sexy chemistry that you may have had on the first date with someone else, and you may not have noticed this if you didn't go on a second or third date with them.

This is why at IJL we always tell our clients to go on at least two dates with everyone! We have found that most people are more comfortable and are closer to being their true selves on a second date.

Here are some easy tips on getting the first date behind you:

Step 1: Establish your outcome and the tone. Outcome: A fun first date that leads to second dates. The tone: light and easy.

Step 2: Have fun! Show up expecting to have a nice time getting to know someone that you have some things in common with. At the very least you are both open to love and an exciting new chapter in life, so embrace it. You are out at a beautiful restaurant with someone new. Look around, enjoy it, savor your food or your drink and enjoy the moment. Possibility is everywhere.

Step 3: Make your date comfortable! Yes, we know you want to spend the date seeing if this person is potentially a good fit for you. But let’s not forget all the social niceties! Be charming. Smile at your date. Ask friendly questions but don’t interview them! Take a genuine interest in who they are. Remember: how you make others feel around you says a lot about yourself.

Step 4: Keep the date light and quick. Leave some mystery and a reason to get to know each other more on a second date. Have a plan in place to ask your date out again.

Step 5: Always remember that we have been at thousands of weddings in which the couple said, "I wasn’t sure on the first date but after the second date we became inseparable!"

Step 6: Be positive. The most successful clients are the clients who have a positive outlook and can find the good in every match. Even if you are sure that your match is not your soulmate, find something you like about them. Relaying this positive information to your Client Advisor during feedback will help us further match you and replicate the qualities you liked about the person in a new match.

Reason number 1 to have a great first date? Because this may be the last first date of your life!

#Jolene

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