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  • IJL Team Member Emma

Learning to Love You, So Somebody Else Can Too

In this modern age of dating, many singles struggle with something as simple as their own self-confidence. Insecurities within ourselves can translate negatively into our relationships with other people. We begin to question their intentions and the reality of their feelings, i.e. “How could someone truly love me?”

Taking care of yourself as a whole – working on your self-confidence and participating in a healthier lifestyle – can lead to a more positive self-image. Lifestyle choices and self-confidence can help amplify attraction levels and play a huge part in dating and relationship success. With the weather warming up and the season of renewal upon us, spring is an excellent time to do a little mind, body and soul self-reflection.


The mind is a tricky and frustrating thing. Often you cannot see the many positive qualities in yourself that others may see quite easily. A great exercise to strengthen your mental state and create self-confidence is to start every morning with Mirror Work. This simple principle involves looking in the mirror and saying three positive things about yourself. This may make you feel silly at first, but best-selling author and metaphysical lecturer Louise Hays writes, “our experience of life mirrors our relationship with ourselves”. This exercise can lead to you feeling better about yourself and allow you to start seeing those very traits that others see in you. "Doing mirror work," Hays says, "is one of the most loving gifts you can give yourself." It also helps you exhibit more self-confidence and begin to learn to love the little things about yourself. Seeing the positive can help you be more open to the idea that someone else may see those things too.


Taking care of your body is also a way to create a sense of confidence. We understand your schedule can get hectic – that’s why many of our clients join It’s Just Lunch in the first place! But there is always time to work on bettering yourself. Some fast tips to get yourself feeling and looking better and healthier would be to contact a nutritionist or a personal trainer; even an accountability trainer can help keep you on track.

Attraction can be a magical combination of physical, emotional, and good old-fashioned chemistry. Self-confidence goes a long way in making you attractive to the opposite sex. In fact, the act of simply going to the gym can give you an immediate boost! Working on the physical side of yourself through fitness not only improves your body, but makes you see yourself through different eyes. By heading to the gym that first time, you feel good, and exude a positive energy through raised self-esteem. Therefore, you become attractive to others long before there are actual physical changes in your form. So, whether it's your first time working out in a while, or you are going for your 6th consistent month in a row, you will reap the benefits in multiple ways!

Not a gym person? Let’s think about taking away something that is a non-essential. Instead of binging on tv shows after getting home from work, choose instead head out for a walk or take a scenic bike ride. Make a well-balanced dinner, or prep some meals for the rest of the week. Do something for yourself and your body!

Ladies – this is huge – when was the last time you went in and got your hormones checked? Adjusting lifestyle decisions based on those results can help you develop and understand a plan that is going to work most effectively for your body and your health.

For men, the main factor is accountability. Hire a personal trainer to keep you motivated and active towards reaching your goals.


While soul may seem like a vague term compared to the other two, it is something that needs to be assessed with equal care. How you care for yourself, your life and those around you is found within your soul. It is important to figure out what makes you feel good and focus on doing more of that. If we start treating ourselves better, we start to feel better overall.

There’s a lot out there these days about self-care. It is very important to put yourself and your needs at an equal level to others. For the parents out there – I know this is easier said than done! But caring about yourself is equally as essential as caring for your child. When traveling on an airplane, you’re instructed to put your own oxygen mask on before assisting others. This isn’t an act of selfishness, it is about giving yourself enough so you may help the others around you. It is an excellent analogy for life. Strive towards self-care for yourself, so you are able to give your best to both yourself, and to others when needed.

Keeping these simple ideas in mind can help change your perception of yourself and really revamp your love life. The primary thing to consider – how do you take care of yourself? This doesn’t necessarily mean just being in shape, but also how you present and carry yourself. Many people look for someone who would be a good partner to grow and better ourselves with. We attract similar lifestyles, so think about what you would like in a partner and see what you can do to be that person for yourself.

For more tips on turning self-doubt into positive thoughts, be sure to check out the book “Love Your Body, Love Your Life” by Sarah Maria. Louise Hay’s “Mirror Work: 21 Days to Heal Your Life” is also available on Amazon.

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