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This is what most all IJL clients strive for in a match, but what is this really? Everyone is looking for someone they can share a connection with, but unfortunately this is one of the most difficult things to pinpoint. This is why when giving feedback we always ask clients to be as specific as possible when it comes to noticing the positives and negatives about their match. However, even if you are as specific as possible when giving feedback, it is often still difficult to pinpoint what qualifies as “chemistry”. Here are some suggestions on how to notice and build upon those positive and negative qualities, and ultimately find that chemistry.
Go on a second date!!
We encourage all our clients to go on second dates, and be as open and positive as possible when it comes to dating. This is simply because sometimes chemistry is something that can develop and grow over time, and might even be overlooked during the first date. Love at first sight is a rare phenomenon, and if you do find this, great! But if this doesn’t happen for you right away don’t be discouraged; you wouldn’t want to turn someone down for a second date just because you didn’t feel a connection immediately. Sometimes a slow burning love can turn out to be the most successful in the long run.
Move away from checking boxes
Many clients have criteria they are looking for in a potential match, whether this be a good sense of humor, a certain occupation or marital status. This is completely understandable and a great place to start when it comes to dating. However, more important than checking off boxes is really focusing on getting to know your match. Maybe they don’t have that advanced degree you wanted, but maybe they’ve traveled all over the world and have amazing stories that make them so much more interesting than that advanced degree. Maybe they do have an impressive occupation but they brag about their accomplishments, which can be a huge turn off. When it really comes down to having “chemistry” with someone it shouldn’t always matter if they have a certain box you can check off. What matters is how your conversation flowed, and if you feel it’s worth spending another hour or two with them. After all, you really can’t get to know a person after just one date.
Turn negatives into positives
Even if you feel your date isn’t a match made in heaven you can still find something positive about the experience. The clients who are the most open to learning from their dates are the ones who are ultimately the most successful. Maybe you two look totally compatible on paper but when you meet you realize you have too many differences – that’s okay. You can still have a meaningful conversation and learn something from them, and who knows – maybe you do decide to go on a second date and realize there are some commonalities and reasons to stay in touch. You allotted time to meet this person; you might as well make the most of it.
Ask questions
You are only as successful as you allow yourself to be. If you have questions or concerns that you aren’t voicing to your Client Advisor, it’s difficult for us to help you be as successful as you can be. If you’re wondering why you were set up with someone, ask! Remember we’re on your team, and we ultimately want you to be successful. Furthermore, if you have any updates to your profile or additions you would like us to be aware of, make sure to voice this. Throughout your dating process you may realize that there’s a specific quality you’re looking for in someone that you weren’t aware of – we’re happy to update your information at any point during the process in order to help you start dating someone exclusively.
Be Honest
Dating is a process. The key to being successful is understanding that there are ups and downs in dating, and the more open and honest you are with your Client Advisor and yourself, the easier it is for us to tailor your matches towards someone you’re going to connect with. Chemistry is hard to pinpoint, but if you have a positive attitude and an open mind, not only will your overall dating experience be improved, but you will ultimately find that chemistry in a match.