Keys to Dating with Confidence
On your journey to find the one, approaching dating from a confident and secure place is an easy way to achieve your IJL Success Story…and find your “Happily Ever After”! Dating with confidence allows you to control your dating destiny. Confidence becomes a tool, as you put yourself out there, that helps you navigate the variety of opportunities arising from every first date. It’s a part of how you execute each interaction in alignment with your dating goals.
At IJL we know our clients view confidence as a sexy trait! So here are 5 approaches to level-up dating with confidence:
1. Create Clarity
Knowing what you are looking for in a match and in a relationship will help you date confidently and avoid settling for the wrong partners. Take time to reflect on what is most important to you by putting pen to paper. Capture both your potential deal breakers, your nice-to-haves, and your need-to-haves (yes there is a difference!). This keeps you focused on your ideal dating scene and recognize when you're meeting the right types of people with similar intentions and goals.
Once you clarify what’s most important to you, use conversations and dates to determine how well someone fits into your life. Ask thoughtful, open-ended questions, have healthy standards, be aware of red flags, and let go of self-defeating thoughts. Each of these will ensure you are moving forward with the right relationship, not setting yourself up for the wrong one.
2. Assess How You Feel
We are all guilty of second guessing whether, “Did my date like me?Did they have a good time? Will they call?” Avoid having your primary focus on whether your match likes you, and first consider how you feel about the date. One of the most valuable pieces of information you have after a date is how you feel. This involves asking yourself questions like “Can I be myself around them?”, “Did I enjoy being with them”, “Am I interested in finding out more about them?”
When singles date from an insecure place, intentional reflection and hopeful feelings can be overshadowed with doubts. It’s natural to want to be liked and for each date to end with positive results; however, if the majority of your attention is spent obsessing about your match’s impression of you, you are depriving yourself of your personal impressions and feelings. Take charge of your dating life with natural check-ins sporadically about how YOU feel during and after a date.
A fun and useful tool is keeping a video diary after each date. Recording yourself giving a debrief of your thoughts and feelings to use later allows you to hear your original thoughts and opinions in your own voice. The opportunity to reflect back throughout your dating journey on what inspired you to go on a second date, characteristics that attracted you or even the growth of awareness you have is a true advantage that continues to build your confidence.
3. Stop the comparisons!
Know your dating goals and keep them top of mind throughout each date experience. It was Marquis de Condorcet who said, “Enjoy your own life without comparing it with that of another.” And that is the intention you should date with. Don’t be a “social media” dater; ditch the facade of perfection and truly live in the moment. Don’t compare your dates, or love life with those of others; you are unique and deserve that one-of-a-kind experience.
While your current “single” status may not be ideal, continually comparing yourself to others creates unnecessary doubt, can potentially make you feel worse, or may even take you off your journey to finding the success you want. Comparing yourself with others in relationships or marriages will likely leave you feeling behind, sad or inadequate. It will also interfere with seeing the perks of being single and the joy you feel in some areas of your life. Confident singles know that they don’t need to compare themselves to anyone else because they feel worthy of love as is.
To date with confidence, allow yourself to set dating goals and keep yourself focused on your own path forward. Let go of comparisons and putting yourself down based on what others have or what you see on social media. Staying in tune with your own goals (and resisting focusing on others) will help you date with confidence.
4. Handle Rejection Like a Pro
No one feels good when a date turns them down or they learn that someone isn’t interested in them. Rejection is a bottomless feeling, but the reality is, it is an inevitable part of the dating process for everyone. You are not supposed to hit it off with everyone you meet, that’s what makes particular relationships special! In the midst of a small rejection, you may feel like a failure, lose hope, and feel like giving up. Don’t!
Balance allowing yourself to feel sad while continuing to move through your feelings; don’t dwell on the rejection. Direct your focus on learning from what happened, without letting it define you. Stay focused on your dating goals and continue to harness self-confidence within dating! Your confidence will help rejection sting less and less by taking the positives out of each situation and allowing yourself to be excited about next opportunities that are better suited all around!
5. Live Life to the Fullest
Dating is a roller coaster of emotions and sometimes the process doesn’t go exactly as you’d like. It’s important to have an empowered mindset and a healthy relationship with yourself, above all.
A healthy mindset includes recognizing your progress toward dating goals, having realistic expectations, and acknowledging your strengths and weaknesses. For example, if you’ve never been in a long-term relationship, but you recently went on five consecutive dates with the same person, recognize this as a huge win and a sign of growth.
Don’t let wanting to find a partner overtake your entire life. Instead create a full, happy, fun-filled life regardless of your relationship status. Fill your calendar with meaningful plans and time for hobbies, social time, exercise, and self-care. Make dating a priority alongside other activities, hobbies and relationships that are important and fulfilling to you.
Adjust Your Mindset to Date With Confidence
Using these simple, yet effective tips will help you approach each match from a more empowered place. Drop the comparisons, go after what you want, learn when to say “yes” and when to say “no,” and handle rejection with a positive mindset.
Remember, facing challenges when it comes to dating is normal, and when you can move through your dating experiences with more confidence, you can stay grounded and on track towards dating success.