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Dating a single parent may be different than any other relationship you’ve ever been in. You may be used to a partner who has more personal time and is able to give you their undivided attention. But with single parents, their kids come first – and so does the laundry list of things that come with that. However, there are advantages to dating a single parent. Observing how your partner treats and prioritizes their child's needs is often an indicator of how they will treat you in the future. A single parent is also less likely to play games.
While every situation is different, here are a few things to keep in mind while dating a single parent:
Always be ready for a change of plans!
Always, always, ALWAYS be ready for a change of plans. Your partner must be available whenever their child needs them, so don’t be surprised when he or she shows up a bit late, has to leave unexpectedly, or cancels because their child got hurt or sick. In fact, this might be your time to shine! Be understanding and ask if there is anything you can do to help. Definitely don’t compete for their time by making it a “me or them” situation.
Be yourself
Never try being something you’re not – especially when it comes to dating a single parent. Don’t try to be a “cool friend” to their child or act like you are half your age, just to impress your partner’s kid. Children can sense inauthentic behavior a mile away, so let the process happen naturally. If you truly aren’t someone who is comfortable with kids, don’t pretend that you are. Be honest with your partner, and also consider that perhaps this isn’t the right relationship for you.
Don’t take it personally
Don’t take it personally if a child doesn’t like you initially. There are many factors that may play into this. Some may not welcome you with open arms as a “replacement mom/dad”, especially if they had high hopes that their parents would get back together someday. And some may fear that they will lose some or all of that parent’s love and attention, to you. These kids may have been through a lot and they are often scared or wary. More likely than not, they dislike you as a concept, not as a person. Stay true to yourself and remember—it’s probably not about you.
Respect their timing
In most cases, your partner won’t want to introduce you to their child right away. They don’t want to bring you into their family life until they are confident that you’ll be around for awhile and that you’re someone who will be a positive influence. It may take them some time to feel confident about this, so don’t take it personally if this process takes longer than you think it should.
The other parent
When dating a single parent, it’s important to recognize that the child’s other parent exists. Most likely he or she is still very involved with the child and may be a part of your partner’s life forever. Although this may create jealousy at times, openly communicating with your partner about your feelings will help reduce or alleviate that. Always be respectful when speaking to or about the child’s other parent. Avoid establishing an adversarial relationship with the other parent at all costs, as it will not end well for anyone involved. Be kind and polite, but also don’t overstep! As your relationship deepens, look to your partner to determine how much of a “parental” role you should play as time goes on.
Tell them when they are doing a great job!
Being a parent can be overwhelming. Being a single parent is even more so. They are going to have long days where they are running from work, to dance lessons, to parent/teacher conferences and back home to make dinner. And what they need on those days—and every day—is support, encouragement and reassurance that they are doing a good job.
They are not shopping for a replacement parent.
Yes, it's important to demonstrate to your partner that you are a good influence in their child’s life. But it’s also important to be, first and foremost, a romantic partner. Most single parents aren’t shopping for a replacement parent, they are looking for a teammate. Someone who takes interest in their child, but also doesn’t forget to have fun and make time for just you two.
Remember, single parents face many challenges in dating but that doesn’t mean it can’t be done. Every situation is different. Be open and honest about your priorities and how you’re feeling and you might just find yourself in not just a relationship, but as part of a family.