.png)
If so, read on…..
People with passionate or intense personalities can make wonderful partners. Their enthusiasm for life can be exciting, and these characteristics can keep their relationship fun and interesting. However, these same traits can be roadblocks to success when not tempered on a first date.
We encourage clients with more intense personalities to be strategic when meeting someone new. A good dater knows that a first date is an opportunity to show the other person you are, without delving too far into any one subject or part of your life. It’s great to share your enthusiasm by exhibiting your excitement for hobbies and interests, but try to reign it in a bit so you are not overwhelming the other person. If you reveal too much, too fast your date may feel uncomfortable and in response shut down emotionally. The key is to show them enough context to see your vivacity as part of the bigger picture of who you are and not all that you’re about.
For our more intense daters, we have a few suggestions:
Shorter dates: A first date doesn’t need to be a 6-hour marathon. Keep your dates short, and spend no more than 5 minutes on any one subject. Keep the conversation flowing with active listening and make a point to ask more questions than you answer.
There’s nothing wrong with agreeing to disagree: What you may consider healthy debate may come across as being argumentative or combative until they get to know you better. On those first couple of dates, specifically avoid subjects like politics or religion, and if you feel yourself getting too charged about a subject, dial it back a bit. Let them see the bigger picture!
Limited Texting: If you and your match exchange numbers, keep the amount of contact moderate until your next date. If you send them a text and they do not respond right away, do NOT send them a follow up text. We know it’s tempting, but don’t do it! Give them the time to get back to you. If they are ghosting you, let them.
If you find you are struggling, we recommend pre-date meditation to calm that nervous energy. A coaching session with me could help too!
In closing: for all individuals who lead their life with a sense of intensity and zeal, there is someone out there who will really love this about you. But remember, it’s not the whole of who you are. Make these small adjustments to your dating game to allow your date to see the entire, wonderful picture….and we are confident you will find a partner who can share that zest for life right alongside you!