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The new year brings an opportunity to reset; to evaluate where we are in our lives and to set goals for the future. Research tells us that people who make New Year’s resolutions are ten times as likely to make those positive changes in their lives than people who have good intentions but do not set specific goals. Defining clear objectives can help you find success and hopefully, a fulfilling relationship.
Here are a few tips to start 2018 out right:
Deal with your baggage
We all have it, but how you handle it makes all the difference. What is baggage? It is the sum of all the negative experiences you’ve had in relationships that you bring forward into your present or future relationships. Sometimes baggage can be worked through by simply identifying it and keeping that awareness front-of-mind when entering a new relationship. However, if the emotional fall out from past experiences causes you to react in ways you can’t seem to control, seeing a therapist or finding a support group may be your next step. Scheduling a session with me could also help. Once you have your baggage under control, it’s time to take the next step.
Identify what you’re REALLY looking for
Rather than create a list of physical characteristics or personality traits you’d like to find in another person, focus on how YOU want to feel in your relationship. What would you like your partner to bring out in you? How would you like to FEEL when you are in their presence? It’s important to focus on your subconscious reactions and emotions when you are with a potential partner rather than what you “think” you need (i.e. good on paper). So many people would swear to you that they had a “type” but yet so often end up happily marrying someone who does not fit within those theoretical parameters at all. Sometimes we need to get out of our own way!
Give yourself a break
Resolutions are about setting steadfast intentions, but we are all human. Almost nothing goes perfectly. Sometimes we lose focus, or make mistakes. In order to be successful, forgive yourself when you lose sight of your goals, refocus, and start again. If your resolution was to get to the gym more, and you took a week off in mid-February that stretched into three, there’s no reason you can’t start going to the gym again in March. The same thing applies to finding a good relationship—just put your best foot forward and keep making that effort!