• IJL Team Member Michelle

The Three Date Rule

As a matchmaker, I’m always asked for dating tips, tricks and secrets so in this blog I want to share the biggest one I have.

So, what is it? It is that ever-elusive second date! Would you be surprised if I said it was the single most important thing a person can do for their dating life…and yet, it is also the one thing most daters don’t do?

You cannot expect to get into a relationship if you aren’t willing to actually get to know anyone. In my experience, the biggest reason behind the lack of second dates in 2017 is the need for instant gratification. Let’s be honest, most of us live in a world where we can get just about anything we want, when we want it, and we want dating to be the same way. If we don’t feel that immediate spark, chemistry or ‘love at first sight’, we simply move on. And it’s easy to do so because online dating has given us the perception (yes, perception) that we have endless options.

Several months ago we received feedback from two clients that really stuck with the entire office. We had set them up for a drink date after work, and halfway through the date, these clients were flirting and having a great time. At one point, they realized—they had met before! While it was their first meeting through IJL, this was actually their second date. After the first date in 2015, neither had felt that “instant spark” and had not followed up with the other. Those clients are now in a relationship. When putting their memberships on hold, they both marveled at how much time they had wasted by not giving each other a second look two years ago.

Ask any of your married friends if they thought it was love at first site when they first met their spouse and I guarantee that most will say ‘NO!’. This is true for the clients I work with as well; the vast majority of my success stories involve those who simply gave their date a chance and went out again and again.

We start to view people differently as we get to know them, and chemistry can grow. Given time and interaction, the nuances of their personality start to emerge. Giving your “maybe’s” a second date is the one piece of advice nearly every date coach, therapist and matchmaker will give you. Its call the three-date rule. You are far more likely to land a relationship if you give that person a second and third opportunity to connect rather than moving onto the next swipe.


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