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Have you ever heard the words “It’s not you, it’s me”? Well, what if it really is you? It’s easy to blame the other person for a breakup, but you could be sabotaging your relationship without even knowing it. We all know about the big things that can cause a relationship to end -- lying, cheating, money -- but what are the subtle things we could be doing that might be causing trouble?
There are 5 things that you may not realize you’re doing that could be relationship and romance killers.
Putting Yourself Down
Confidence and a positive attitude are two of the most attractive qualities you can have. No one wants to hear someone drone on and on about how unhappy they are about their looks, their weight or their job. Having a good attitude makes people want to be around you and spend time with you.
Venting Too Much
Pay attention to how often you’re venting or complaining to your significant other about your group of friends, your family or your co-workers. It’s okay to express how you’re feeling to your partner, but is it too much? It’s good to be able to get things off your chest, but it’s important to know when to say “when”.
Checking Your Phone Constantly
This is such a big issue that there’s actually a new term for it: “Phubbing” or “phone snubbing”. Do you constantly stare at your phone? Do you insist on having it in your line of vision at all times? Do you pick it up and look at it while your boyfriend/girlfriend is talking? If so, you may be a Phubber. It’s a huge turnoff and sends the signal that you’re distracted and not really interested in what the other person has to say. No one likes to be ignored. Turn off the phone and put it completely away -- especially when you’re on a date. Be present and be engaged in the conversation.
Getting TOO Comfortable with Each Other
This is for the people who may have been in a relationship for a while. It’s easy to get into a routine and become too relaxed. Being casual is one thing, but you don’t want to get so comfortable you stop making an effort.
Are you paying attention to how you dress when you’re with your partner? Are you wearing sweatpants around them more than anything else? Skipping your makeup? Skipping the gym? You don’t have to get dolled up every day, but make the effort when you have a date night -- or just because. It shows respect toward the other person, and that goes a long way toward making a relationship last.
Keeping a Messy/Smelly Home
A recent survey said that having a smelly home was the top deal breaker for both men and women. Other deal breakers listed in that same survey include having a grimy bathroom, dirty laundry lying around and having ripped or damaged upholstery. Before a date comes over, look at your home through fresh eyes. Do you still have beat up furniture from college? Is there clutter laying around? Is there a layer of dust on every surface?
If you seem to be going through one relationship after another, take a look in the mirror and really pay attention to the subtle messages you might be putting out there. If you don’t like what you see, make an effort to change.
Remember that love isn’t just this magical thing that happens without any work or effort. You need to make sure you’re giving it your best and putting the right foot forward.